oralfixations | EV IC POST

first.last@compass.net (3)	(no subject)	D12 63:19PM
first.last@compass.net (6)	Re: Mission	D11 8:01PM
first.last@compass.net (12)	[text]	D10 9:35AM

E-MAILS

TEXTS

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Yeah actually.

At least one was, at least.

[Pearl doesn't really count.]

Huh. [ He sounds thoughtful. ] That's kind of cool. I mean if you got a date out of it I can forgive that. Even makeouts might be worth it.

[ Scott has the best priorities, you know this. ]

Wait--what?

Like, I can tell people but only if I get laid out of it?

[A beat.]

Fair deal I like it.

[ He gives a kind of one-shouldered shrug. ]

Well hey, if it works for you. I don't know how 'my friend turns into a hairy wolf man every month' is gonna get you girls, unless they're like...comparing? But if it works.

Let's be honest--it isn't like anything else is working.

Something was working with Oswin, back in the Labyrinth.

[ Yep, not letting that go yet. ]

Yeah, well since my face got destroyed, she has barely talked to me.

[ A pause.

That can't be right. ]

You think it's because of your scars? I didn't think she'd be like that.

I have no idea man. Just telling you the facts.

Maybe she's awkward? I mean, she did attack you at the same time.

Well yeah she did.

I just--

--it's a dead end street, man. I'm doomed to die a virgin.

[ Stiles please, you are the most dramatic. ]

You are not going to die a virgin, are you kidding me? You just need to find the right person, that’s all. And maybe don’t stick on the same one for ten years this time.

Hey--Lydia was a totally valid person to be stuck on for ten years. Have you seen her?

[Actually there are a lot of reasons for it. Because it was safe--because he couldn't have it. But let's not go there. Stiles is over it, now. And he should be.]

I mean look, I guess at least I can take solace that the virgin totally lives in the horror story. You and your whole sex-ed up self is dead first.

What? No way. [ Ha ha, oh God he’s probably right. Their lives are so full of horror movie clichés. ] Anyway, I haven’t had sex in months. I don’t think wishful thinking counts.

Yeah, and I haven't masterbated in a month. I still think I win on the horror movie scale.

[Yeah, it's hard to find time to actually do it. Public showers, living with lots of girls, really hideous settings, and fear of dying all the time. It totally killed boners, and he's going to share that with you Scott.]

[ He appreciates that. You know you're brothers when you can talk about your lack of wrist action. ]

Geez, no wonder you're tense. That's why you should get yourself a container, man. [ He's totally serious right now. ]

Dude, you know how creepy that sounds? A 'masterbation container'?

And knowing my luck, someone will burst in anyways.

Well you maybe wouldn’t run with that as a title. I’m just saying. Besides, you can lock the things. Mine works okay.

[ Wait. ]

Not that that’s why I got it!

Ha!

You have totally been using yours as a masterbation cave!

No! [ Well. ] Yeah, I mean, sometimes. Not all the time. I’m just saying, if privacy’s the issue, there are places for that.

For privacy.

Well why can't I just borrow yours?

Dude, come on. [ Gross, man! ] My bed's in that thing!

So?

I'll do it in a corner or something!

[ A longer pause.

Then a sigh. ]

You owe me, man.

[He laughs.]

Aw man, I love you man. Really.

voice

wolfteen - 2013-08-08 02:57 (UTC) - Expand